When my heart is bursting

My daughter is truly my daughter. I think she is a better version of me in fact. At 14 she was already a better writer. She’s passionate and feisty. When she realizes what her purpose in life is and redirects her feistiness, she will be a force to reckon with. 

She fights tooth and nail to be her own person. I know she loves that she is the spitting image of me but in other ways she defiantly demands centre stage. I love that. More satisfying is that mostly she fails at convincing me. She may convince others but she is my daughter. I see her and know her because she is me just better. 

She is a Daddy’s girl but when it comes to confiding in someone, I’m her person. She brings the best and the worst of herself to me. I know she trusts me to expose this vulnerability to me. I’m her safe harbour. She knows there is nothing she can’t tell me that will sway my utter adoration and love for her. 

She teases me with my taste in music. Dad apparently has a much better taste in music. Yeah yeah yeah. We all know my taste in music is sublime and also my general knowledge around music is far superior than his. That’s a fact my husband would agree with. 

Last night my daughter was showering and listening to her current playlist. I heard Mondo Rock “State of the Heart”. I play this in the car every single day. My heart filled with pleasure. She loves a song I love. A song I played everyday. A song that stirs something in my heart and she loves it. Next up was David Gray “Destroyer”. Now this song is another song that I play every single day. It’s on a shortlist for my funeral song. This was never a hit and I know emphatically she could only have heard this song driving around with me. I was feeling so much joy knowing I’d shared something I love so dearly with my daughter. And she had scooped it up and fallen in love with it too. 

It was proof she loved and endorsed the music I love. I know she loves The Killers but they’re a band her Dad loves and also still on high rotation in many places. 

I must say that for the rest of her shower I did not recognise her music. She is also a big Harry Styles fan too. Oh well I have Bucks Fizz on my Spotify playlist. 

We all want our children to stride through life doing what is best for them but when you continue to catch glimpses of yourself in them it is true joy. A reminder of your own youth and the blank slate your future offered you. A reminder that there was a time when life was simply about the song you were listening to or the new music you were discovering. 

My daughter recently bought tickets to see a band. She’s been to stadium concerts with me or her Dad but this is the first time she bought tickets online with her money. I’ve never heard of the band but I was seeing live music from the age of 16. My parents had never heard of The Riptides or The Funaddicts or the many other alternative bands I saw. A rite of passage for all our teenagers. 

I find simple happiness knowing her path is similar to mine. I know it will be very different also. I know and trust that when she fails, she will falter and then rise up and continue on her way. I am giving her that room to fail so she can learn and develop resilience.

If you hear your child playing music you know you exposed them to, enjoy! It’s a lovely experience.

2 thoughts on “When my heart is bursting

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