Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
I must give full credit to Autistic Pride Mumma for introducing me to this. I thought I was the only one who was so stymied by rejection to the point I could not ask someone to help me with anything or to do anything with me. The words in the accompanying meme nail my experiences exactly.
I learned about this from Amanda (Big thank you!) and as you can see she learned from the neurodiverse community herself. So I thought I would share this meme and Amanda’s writings to help spread the word.
So it’s not enough to struggle with social niceties that baffle us we also have to be awkward AF about rejection as well.
I think I fear rejection almost more than anything else. I can happily speak in front of a large crowd. Sing karaoke sober, dance in the street because it makes me happy but I will not expose myself to rejection.
Rejection is a hot mess of confusion and unwritten rules I just cannot navigate. I will always personalize it. Doesn’t matter, I will always personalize it. I would rather not expose myself to this pain and risk an opportunity. To be completely honest, I have put myself out there in certain circumstances but I will have a buffer of protection prepared. I will plan for the rejection with excuses they may come up with and why. This is usually around my passion of helping other autistic youth start their own microbusiness. Now it doesn’t mean I don’t feel the pain any less intensely, it just means I am prepared for it. I will then retreat to my bed for at least 48 hours and then recover. I pledge I will never expose myself again and yet I still do.
It is impossible to avoid rejection but I know speaking for myself I do not develop resiliency around this. It is painful each and every time. This awareness, thanks to the sharing from Autistic Pride Mumma has been incredibly helpful.