God help our kids

I am not religious, and consider myself an atheist. But I don’t know how our kids will be able to safely deal with stuff, when me, a 50 year old can’t.

I WAS TROLLED! I put a post on a community page. My community! It took ten minutes of filth and vitriol to spew from people onto my screen. I was shaken and felt unsafe. Almost suicidal. I did what I’d counsel my kids to do. I blocked each person and then deleted my post.

But the damage was done. I changed my profile picture as I still felt unsafe. I didn’t want to leave my house. These hateful people live in my community. That was due to just ten minutes of hell.

I thought it over for 24 hours. I try not to make impulsive decisions when I am upset. I still felt scared. I’ve not left the house today because I can’t.

I made the decision to delete my Facebook and Instagram. I didn’t deactivate either, I just deleted the apps. I run two businesses and I need to access their pages which I can do via an app. My personal Facebook profile will just lie there in the cyber world completely dormant. I have no desire to return to it. I might one day but for the foreseeable future the likelihood is slim. Instagram is just plain hard work and i won’t miss it.

Ten fucking minutes and that was enough to have me curled up in bed shaking uncontrollably. Even after I took the measures to block and remove I felt sick and scared. I know rationally that these people are cowards and incapable of face to face interaction like this. Doesn’t make me feel better. I know I did everything right. If I can do the sensible thing and still later feel suicidal from ten minutes of being trolled then what the fuck can our kids do and how can we keep them safe.

This has impacted my mental health and I feel isolated and disengaged from my community. I have messenger and intend on maintaining connections the old fashion way.

Social media giants like Facebook and Instagram don’t do enough. We have to find a way to make them accountable as their apps are a tool that not just incites hate but is used to destroy people. Mentally, emotionally and sadly sometimes permanently.

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