Mind Games

There is no way I could have done yesterday carrying the 36kg I’ve lost. Still more to go but it’s a lifestyle not a race.

We went to the Gold Coast Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony last night. It was fantastic. My favourite moment was watching the Aussie Team March in to a standing screaming crowd. It was amazing.

Looking back at photos like the one above all I see is a huge body. Somehow my mind is telling me I’ve not really lost any weight and I’m as big as I ever was. Rationally I know this is ludicrous because I’ve got photos and tangible proof like smaller sized clothes etc.

But in my head at the moment I’m hearing. You’ve gotten nowhere. Give up. It doesn’t help that my gut issues have returned. I’m going to have to see my GP, get blood tests and go back on an incredibly restricted diet. There’s no way in hell I’m going through the hell I went through last year. I’m pretty devastated about my gut issues. Last year I was practically bed ridden for about three months. I’ve never been so sick and suffered so much in my life.

Stinks really. Just when I was feeling so proud, so confident, so happy and my head and my gut gang up on me.

Mind games are powerful and I have to find a way to not give them attention. Yesterday I did my normal workout routine and then a lot of steps last night both distance and stairs. I’m still struggling with stairs but not once did I use the elevator even when traveling home exhausted.

Writing this now, I’m home sick. I forgot my husband’s birthday and I’m not helping my son with his biggest day of bin cleans ever.

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