Nostalgia? Or something else?

Yesterday I went to a Nia class. The best way to explain it is imagine Kate Bush doing yoga on speed. I worked up quite a sweat, but was way out of my comfort zone and oh so very uncoordinated.

Anyway, the class was held in my old primary school. It closed about seven odd years ago and is now a wonderful hub of community activities. Let me tell you I nearly lost my shit walking up those stairs.

I have such fond memories of seven years at this school. Learning ballroom dancing under this building. Having my love of Australian bush poetry born right here. Friends I made and still have. I think it was truly the most carefree happiest time of my life. Of course there was a couple of nasty cows in my Year. That’s nothing unusual, but the worst you copped was some name calling. It really made me feel so sad that the world, our children are growing up in is harder, meaner filled with so much pressure and expectation.

Sunday I watched the movie Wonder. I’d already read the books and was very familiar with the storyline but I sobbed through the whole movie. Not just because it was touching but it also stirred up some very raw feelings in me.

Why the fuck is bullying such an awful thing in our kid’s lives. Why are kids and adults determined to destroy people. Why are so many young people suiciding from lack of action or perhaps hopelessness?

I will not delve into my son’s story but it’s pretty extreme. We did absolutely everything we could to help him and it was a long, bitter and trying six months. We had to go to lengths you could not believe to get action. We were treated badly by the school and seen as meddlesome parents. They raised my mental illness in a meeting with people who did not know about it, thus breaching my privacy and somehow irrationally alluding to some kind of connection between my son’s bullying and my mental illness. That is a connection I am yet to discover. It was just one undermining victim blaming meeting after another. It was so bad that even three years down the track I’m a hot mess of outrage about it.

Wonder hit every raw nerve in my body. Accepting differences, bullying, the need for kindness, the sister feeling like the forgotten child and wonderfully, a school handling it all so well.

Sadly in like movies, life doesn’t have happy endings. It doesn’t. You have to work and claw for everything when you have a disabled child. You feel isolated, patronised, beaten, judged, scared, worried, broke and you wake up everyday and put your big girl pants on, give the world the middle finger and say not today. You are not going to get to me today. Sometimes I do stay in bed. But that is a rare thing now.

I’ve gone off topic with my blog lately. I guess I needed to write about some stuff. I’m still exercising. I’m still slowly losing weight.

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