Wednesday was a difficult day. I’ve lost confidence. I did not swim Thursday. I’m also feeling very overwhelmed at the moment.
I don’t like to complain about parenting a special needs child. I know that in comparison their life is so much more difficult than mine. With both my kids, sometimes my heart hurts beyond imagination. Typical of all mothers. It’s just with my son my heart hurts more often. From birth he has overcome so much. I am enormously proud of him, but sometimes I fear for how life will turn out for him.
He has amazing dreams and of course I want them to come to fruition. He just needs to be given a go. Along his journey both my husband and I have watched him or held his hand or metaphorically speaking pushed him up the mountain. We try to find a good balance of helping him and letting him try himself. He has no realisation of the emotional effect his life has on us. We hide it. We don’t want him to feel our disappointment which is not with him but circumstance. He has never disappointed us.
We were the ones who got upset at the lack of Birthday party invites or sleepovers. It never occurred to him that there was a life outside his loving family. Who were we to point this out. He was and is happy. He has a besty now who sleeps over by the way.
Sometimes it does get on top of you. You look back over 15 years and all the achievements and then you look to the future and think holy shit the fight hasn’t even begun. We have NDIS to wade through next year. Our son has two final years of schooling. Jobs, cars, driving, moving out and the list is endless. Yes a rite of passage for all but as his parents it’s one we have to step up to and provide a lot more support.
We happily do it and have such a sense of satisfaction watching our son reach important milestones.
This really is not a complaint or an excuse. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. I need to cry and then I pull my big girl pants up, strap on my armor, tighten my belt and put one foot in front of the other. And to all my friends parenting special needs kids I say you are fucking amazing.