In the past two weeks I’ve had blood and copious amounts of sweat. The tears were years ago.
On the 9th January 2011 I started crying and I could not stop. My husband called my Mum. They took me to Redlands Hospital, but apparently people can’t have mental breakdowns on weekends so they couldn’t help me.
I was admitted to Belmont Hospital. It was late at night and if I recall correctly it was raining. I was scared and in the early throes of a long painful depression.
I don’t have any memories of this time. I’ve pieced it together from what I’ve been told. I rang the hospital today out of curiosity. I was discharged 25 February 2011. I didn’t realise my first admission was so long. If I want, I can get a full transcript of all my admissions, but I don’t need to. There were many over several years.
I had very invasive treatment. I did group therapy. I saw a Mental Health Nurse. I saw a psychiatrist. I diligently took my medication. I worked hard on my mental health. I’m pretty sure exercise was mentioned several times but I could barely get out of bed.
I really did fight a battle. I also won! I’ve come through this as a stronger more resilient person. I didn’t do this alone though. My husband has steadfastly travelled this journey with me. He has held my hand. He has held me. He took over everything to give me a stress free life to recover. He listened to me talk about my therapy and my then self loathing.
Those years were the hardest of my life. I would not be the person I am had I not endured this. So when I think about this new journey, I think, walk in the park. I’ve been to the front, I survived and I am equipped for new challenges.